We bought the tickets early, anticipating a crowd.
It’s filling in but not nearly as much as I thought it would. But, they are rowdily yelling at the previews of Tenacious D’s flick. So that’s promising.
SNAKES ON A GODDAMN PLANE!
I wish, I wish, I wish I could show the pics. But, you know, if I ain't done learned nothing about the workplace is don't be mixing the two worlds up.
So, what I don't got here is photographic evidence of the boss shooting around the office on one of these here bouncy, exercisey balls.
[newline] Swear to fucking god. Just bouncing around.
The plan with her and a few others of the California flavor is to get rid of their desk chairs entirely and enjoy their exercising fit bad selves each and every day whilst shuffiling the papers.
Maybe it's good, great or sucks what the kids might say, sucks donkey balls, but often M. and I are in sync. Like, he has a shitty long tiring unproductive day (in his case job interviews), and so do I. Mine was more about a meeting that lasted forever and gave me a sense of my own mortality. You know, like cool, if I died right now, I wouldn't have to stay in this meeting.
A propos nothing whatsofuckingever, I fucking hate bad writing. Not bad like this banal, meaningless, steaming pile that your eyeballs are reading right now. I mean the special good tasty kind of bad writing that only the "educated" can pull out of their asses. Note to the world, I don't believe the passive voice is bad, because some wrinkled spinster (such as I am) underlined it in a little book and told me it was a rule.
Nope, I hate it because it's boring as all fucking hell, and like, um, there are usually indirect and harder to comprehend stentences in the realm of passive. Break it down, people. If I say "suck my cock," you know I want you to suck my cock. (Context clues might even tell you if I want you to suck my cock, because I'm angry, or because I want you to make sweet, sweet monkey love to me.)
However, if you say instead, "a cock will be sucked," it's not effective prose. Your audience will not know if they are to suck or be sucked. Chaos, confusion and a cum-free existence (not in a good way). Subject verb predicate, and ask yourself who is acting in the dick suck universe.
I think I need to write a grammar book with only dirty, prosaic sentences. Nothing makes a point as directly as, I dunno, porn. You ever watch a porno and question the meaning?
Check it — I hate like poison folks who get all fucking la-di-da, look at me, I be writing with their prose. You don't mean "utilize." It's "use," like I'm going to use my boot toe to fuck you up.
Same thing goes with "as well as," when what you really should be saying is AND. Fucking "and," that's it. Simple, reasonable and just ripe with connecting goodness. I want you to caress my breasts AND call me Mother Mary AND touch me in the bad place. NOT, and I repeat NOT, as well as touch me in the bad place. You dig?
I will lick your balls, as well as polish your helmet. That's where it works, when you already know what's up (helmut polishing), and you get the extra bonus thang (licked balls).
Strunk, White and Ron Jeremy. That threesome would be well-utilized in my thoughts, as well as a Kleenex.
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My now neglected, because it's older and providing a metaphor for the cruelties of this life, car spent its weekend in the work garage. Later, though, it was let out and cruising right into a Blockbuster parking lot.
I have no idea how long it had been there, maybe minutes, maybe days, but upon exiting the video store, I spied this artifact with my little eye. Jammed into my grill and sticking out like a bad double-oh seven, Bond James Bond, outtake from Q's lab. [newline] [image:4264:l][newline] [image:4266:l][newline]
My bug is tricked out for logging.
The weekend was multilayered with activity. For me it ended in confusion, when I woke up this morning convinced I had spent the night making out with someone I know from comedy in Boston.
Friday night was dinner with a "couples friend," the fact of which will always remind me of a bit from Rick Jenkins of the Comedy Studio. I'm not happy that it does, but I guess fittingly, we followed up with a comedy show. I have been so goddamn painfully lazy about comedy, I should be ashamed. It was the first show I attended in weeks, I haven't performed since a month ago.
Maybe it's the summer. Or, maybe it's existential comedy crisis number 973. Sometimes I just get to hating on comedy and wonder why I have ever done it. No doubt, I'll come up with some idea that gets me fired up again. In the summer, though, there are many, many, many things to do and miles to go before I write.
Among this weekend's adventures was walking in the woods, or what the native Californians call "hiking." The destination was Rancho San Antonio. This area is pretty lousy, full-up with the nature and all. Trees, grass, scat of mysterious origins.
I saw a family of these, and then realized I had no more memory in my camera. Fucking technology.[newline] [image:4254:l] [newline]
I think my favorite shot of the day was this one:[image:4240:l] [newline]
Or maybe it was this one:[image:4243:l][newline] That's the one where M. gets to ultimately live the Californian American dream, where you hire someone from elsewhere to do a job for you. It's another side to nature, as in natural order. (Insert some kind of witticism to make that clearly a joke not a fucked up Ayn Randian bullshit sense of superiority.)
The next day was all about art, of the edgy, modern, electronic sort. What we learned was some art is pure bullshit, other art is kind of vapid and pretty. Most importantly, adding electronic media and computers just makes some stuff stupid or stupider.
But look, pretty and shiny and all color-y:[newline] [image:4226:l][newline]
The one thing we both liked in a conceptual, cool, see look art can communicate kind of way was Ingor Gunther's Installation. By modifying globes, it's a pretty brilliant way to metaphorically explain statistical shit.
I thought these folks were interesting, even if they are Canadian. M. clearly got in touch with his inner child.[newline] [image:4212:l]
Three folks from my small, place of employ are attending a certain institution in Cambridge that's been around since it was called Newtown and people wore pointy hats and pointy shoes.
I wrote up the following as my farewell and nostalgic dump of what I miss:
RANDOM THINGS TO DO IN CAMBRIDGE
MIT has had a list on the Internet before the web of area restaurants and menus, you can check it here: http://web.mit.edu/wchuang/www/menus/
If you go by the subway map, there’s basically four major neighborhoods (or squares), which kind of align on Massachusetts Ave. (known only as “Mass. Ave.”).
Porter Square
Arguably more upscale than other parts of Cambridge, but you can’t tell by looking at it. Northwest of Harvard, roughly, heading toward Davis Square in Somerville, which is pretty cool.
o 24-Hour Dunkin’ Donuts: At least it was when I left. Fairly unfrightening, for a late-night place near a subway station.
o Tags Hardware: EVERYONE buys their flashlights and household whatnots here. It’s part hardware store, part house wares. You can pots and pans and nuts and bolts. Generally affordable and easy to get to by subway.
o Shaw’s supermarket (Was Star Market, which was a better name to hear the Boston accent): One of the bigger supermarkets around, and the only one next to a subway stop. It’s also open 24 hours, and there is a 24-hour CVS Pharmacy nearby.
o The Elephant Walk: Cambodian and French fusion. Nice date type restaurant.
o Christopher’s: Bar/restaurant that served possibly the first veggie burger in town. Pretty good and reliable without breaking the bank, and there’s a tiny acoustic music club next door called Toad.
o The stretch of Mass. Ave. between Porter and Harvard: There are many neat, little stores and restaurants, sadly the witchcraft store closed. The Lizard Lounge/Cambridge Common is fun and you can get a decent pub meal. There’s a couple of overpriced Mexican places that will make you realize you are far from the west coast and good guacamole. The Half Shell has great “sub” sandwiches that are huge and other deli/pizza joint food.
Harvard Square
Dominated by, um, well, you know the place. Locals bemoan that it used to be very funky and hip with tons of independent, small stores, especially bookstores. Now, it’s pretty mall-like with Tower Records, The Gap, etc. Most of Cambridge’s homeless tend to end up in Harvard Sq., especially the younger ones, who tend to hang at ”The Pit,” the courtyard brick space adjacent to the main subway station. Here’re a few spots worth checking out:
o Au Bon Pain. It’s big, right next to the Holyoke Center where some Harvard offices are and across from the main T-stop, it’s a convenient, centrally located place to meet up. Awesome people watching, especially outside near the chess players because of the parade walking by. They also have one of the rare public toilets in the neighborhood.
o Colonial Drug: Expensive but great place to get cosmetics and high-end, French-milled soap and stuff. Say “Hi” to my friend Dot if she’s working there.
o The Comedy Studio at the Hong Kong Restaurant: They have a website at: http://thecomedystudio.com. This club is basically the “alternative” comedy club where there’s a showcase that could be a mix of rank beginners and pros who drop by. On Thursday nights, the show is hosted by Dan Sally, who is funny, a friend of mine and used to live in SF, if you are homesick. On Friday night, some other friends, the Walsh Brothers, perform. (You’ll see I mention them below.) The scorpion bowls are deadly, and the bar on the second floor is a total meat market.
o Peet’s Coffee: There’s one on Mt. Auburn in the heart of the Square, if you are longing for Bay Area java.
o Border Café on Church Street: Lots of people love the food, and there’re usually long lines. Kind of Cajun/Tex-Mex. Westerners may very well find it lacking. But, the margaritas rock and it’s a good meet up for the movie theater across the street.
o Passim’s: Folk house with a history dating back to the 60s that still features up-and-coming singer/songwriter types. Adjacent café serves vegan cuisine.
o Toscanini’s: Awesome ice cream. But, the original storefront is down the street between Central and Kendall Squares.
Central Square
A lot of the independent places that couldn’t afford Harvard Square rents moved down the street to Central Square. It’s more diverse and eclectic, has far fewer tourists and higher crime rates than Harvard Sq. But, the restaurants and clubs are generally more fun, and there is a lot of ethnic (Ethiopian, Chinese, Middle Eastern, etc.) food.
o Middle East: When I was your age, this place was just a middle-eastern restaurant that let bands play in its basement. It’s grown physically and by reputation and is now a pretty established rock club. It’s horrible and dank, but hosts a lot of especially harder rocking bands.
o T.T. the Bear’s: Another rock club, which has an pretty funky, eclectic history. It’s the kind of club where someone quasi-famous might show up and jam with friends.
o Phoenix Landing: Pulls an honest pint and has good pub food. Gets weird some weekend nights depending on which DJ or type of music is playing.
o 1369 Coffee House: One of two independent coffee houses with the same name. (The other one is in Inman Square.) Nice place to hang with WiFi, underemployed hippies, the usual things to see at a café.
o Picante: Burritos. OK, but you’ll miss the Mission.
o The Plough and Stars/The People’s Republic: Two bars on the stretch between Porter and Harvard. The Plough crams as many people as they can in to see bands, and The People’s Republic has possibly the latest close time of any bar in Cambridge. It’s where many people go to get drunk and/or lucky.
o Whole Foods: There’s a very cramped and small Whole Foods grocery store, which is where to get your high-priced organics.
o Harvest Food Co-op: More affordable place to get organic food, etc. than Whole Foods and nearer to the subway. But, usually has a smaller variety.
o All Asia Restaurant: Sometimes overpriced and sometimes poor service, but I know the owners. It’s a very kooky, family-run place that hosts a lot of different kinds of open mikes and theme nights and Marc and Patty, the owners, are nice and crazy.
Kendall Square
Why would you go to Kendall Square? It’s where MIT is and they are your rivals. Just in case, though. Most of Kendall Square is on Main Street, not Mass. Ave, but MIT’s main entrance is on Mass. Ave. (i.e., the dome which is a mildly famous victim of assorted MIT “hacks” or pranks.)
o One Kendall Square: A courtyard that is actually about a half a mile up the road toward Inman from the Kendall Sq. T Station. Lot’s of restaurants/bars and a few stor
es
. While some of the stuff changes around as businesses fail and are replaced, there are a couple of anchors: The Cambridge Brewery, the only brewpub in Cambridge and one of the first microbrewery restaurants anywhere, and Flattop Johhny’s, a place to play pool on red-felt tables that caters to crowds from MIT and the various nearby labs and pharmaceutical companies. If you are lonely for Genentech-type people, go here.
o Emma’s Pizza: East coast pizza is usually greasy and tasty and not the least bit gourmet, unlike in California. Emma’s is where to go if you want wafer-thin crusts and goat cheese and arugula.
o The Cambridgeside Galleria: The mall. It’s a mall.
o Toscanini’s Ice Cream: The original and best ice cream place around. This is how ice cream should be, and I miss it terribly. It’s made on the premises, and usually they have unusual flavors on the menu that you will never have seen before, like Jack Daniels. Open to midnight, I think.
o Cinderella’s Pizza: The opposite of Emma’s and “real” pizza. Although, I think their management changed and the last time I was there I was a bit disappointed. Still, this is the kind of pizza I miss from backeast.
o Pu Pu Hot Pot: Cheap Chinese take-out, run by the brother of Patty at the All Asia
o Kendall Square Cinema: The non-mainstream, art-house movie theater. Great place to see limited release, independent “films,” not movies.
o Legal Seafood: Expensive, but this restaurant sets a high standard for fresh and good sea food. A bit touristy, since they also sell lobsters at the airport, but their chowder is quite tasty.
The other square which is not accessible by the subway is my old neighborhood.
Inman Square:
Arguably one of the least gentrified neighborhoods in Cambridge, it still has a lot of independent restaurants and stores, because the rents are not as high. There are big communities of Portuguese (mostly from the Azores) and Brazilians in this area. So, there are some interesting restaurants and shops, and you hear Portuguese being spoken. I really miss Inman Square.
o Midwest Brazilian Barbecue: It’s an all you can eat buffet, where waiters walk around with various meat products on giant skewers and carve them at your table. If you’ve ever wanted to see a row of chicken hearts on a stick, this place is for you.
o 1369 Coffee House: The more or less original 1369 café, which supposedly is the address where some really amazing old jazz club used to be in the 60s or 70s. Coffee drinks and unwashed intellectuals with laptops.
o Ryles Jazz Club: Been around for a long time, and it’s where people have gotten their start. There’s a cheaper, more intimate room upstairs, although it’s tricky and sometimes has stuff like “Lesbian Dance Night.” You never know.
o S&S Deli: Major venue for weekend breakfasts. It gets crowded, but it’s big so it usually moves quickly. Not the best place in the world, but reliable. It also has a full bar, which is surprising, since it looks like an IHoP.
o Christine’s Ice Cream: It’s not Toscanini’s but it’s good. It also stays open pretty late.
o Bukowski’s: Good burgers, hotdogs, and other comfort-type foods. Great fries. Has food specials, like cheap grill cheese sandwiches. Also has an extensive and changing bar menu. Pretty cool place to hang out, but they tend to keep the music pretty loud, and they have a kind of hipper than thou ethos.
o East Coast Grill: Sometimes the food is great, including an ultra-fresh raw seafood bar, but the prices can be high. They have special “Hell Nights” with hot-sauced soaked barbecue and other spicy dishes.
o Ole Mexican Grill: Overpriced, but I think they might have the best guacamole in a town without great guacamole.
o ImprovBoston Theater: I have spent more hours of my life than anywhere here, well almost. They have improv shows Wednesday through Sunday, including long-form theater improv, Theater Sports, improv comedy and musical improv. They also have workshops.
HOWEVER, they get special mention for being the venue of my favorite comedy show bar none, which is run by two of my friends, Chris and Dave Walsh, also known as the Walsh Brothers. Thursday nights at 10 p.m. at the ImprovBoston Theater, they host the “Great and Secret Show,” which is a mix of comedy sketches, videos, stand-up and story telling. The show generally starts on the street with them carnival barking (usually in costumes) for audience members to come in side. They are incredibly funny and total pranksters, so it’s worth going more than once to see what’s new. They sometimes let new people do stand-up comedy or try sketches, but they might interrupt them or break it up if it’s too painful. Recently, they got an agent and are in talks about a sitcom or sketch show and moving to LA, so this might be a chance to say, “I saw them when….”
Not really in any square, but noteable:
o Dali’s Restaurant: Spanish, including tapas. Fun date venue, as well as large groups into tapas, with good sangria. The owners (an older husband and wife) tend to wander around making it like their personal party, and they might sit down and start up a conversation.
o Alewife: A subway station that doesn’t really have a very walkable square or anything. But, there is a larger Whole Foods near here in a strip mall that also has a large Staples and Toys R Us. There’s also Jasper White’s Summer Shack, which has great seafood.
o Cambridge Street: Starting behind Harvard and going all the way through Cambridge to the Charles River near Lechmere Street/Train Station and the Cambridgeside Galleria, it’s a real city street with stores, restaurants, and whatnot all along its length.
Of course, I am missing all sorts of great things. But I’m old, and I forget stuff.
**********************
Then M. reminded me of some other shit I forgot, so I sent this:
Addendum:
I forgot to add two places my boyfriend just reminded me about:
In the middle of Harvard Square, right next to Harvard Yard is the Out of Town News Agency. Newspapers and magazines from around the world. There was a line there when the Unabomber’s manifesto was published.
Between Harvard and Porter there’s Changsho, an upscale Chinese place that is pretty nice and slightly more authentic then most Chinese restaurants. It’s more linen napkins and hushed tones than other Asian places.
Porter Square is also the home of the “Porter Exchange” building (which was once the Sears building). In the bottom floor, there is a Japanese food court with little noodle places, etc. and Japanese shops and a market. There’s also a major Japanese bookstore in that neighborhood.
(Yes, I did write to future H. grads, "two," and then I listed three. It's good; Starts them off thinking they are smarter than other people.)
My whole life, and probably not the least bit related to being the baby sister, I am sure, I have been subjected to "good-natured" teasing. Testament was born by nickname that echoed bitterly in my second grade, after a star turn in the class play about Toyland. I went from being not just "Moose" for my size, but "Moose the Mechanical Man" for my robotic tour de force.
Commonly, any morsel of food I dared put to my lips in childhood engendered one brother or another to utter something akin to "Look, she's eating again." or simply, "Horse."
In adulthood something about my nature kept me an easy and apparently agreeable target. I changed my name a couple to a dozen times on this Internet bulletin board to spare my jangled nerves some attention. At least the nickname of comedic adulthood, dee-rob, doesn't have me swinging my coronet case at the mean boys and threatening to crush them.
As a side note, if you ever have a precocious daughter who starts to grow more quickly and larger than the other kids, for christ's sake don't hand her a trumpet when she says she wants to play an instrument. A flute, a piccolo, a clarinet. Something lean. Nothing is quite as poignant in a wrong bad way than a chubby, adult-dimensioned little girl wielding the decidely large and brassy sound associated with Dizzy, Louis or Myles.
So, when I ventured off here to the left coast, the plan was simple: A Madonna-worthy change from that girl to a newly minted Cali version. No longer the subject of mirth and sometimes derision. In fact, I told myself that when I got a new job everyone there would face only a very professional, almost somber character. One without quirks, idiosyncracies and other fodder that shouted "different."
Goddamnit, here was my chance to conform! Fuck ya.
Guess what? Some delusions die harder than others.
Do you think the fact that yesterday at work someone saw me holding a plate with three pieces of cake (to share with others), saw only cake and me and shouted (literally) to someone else, "Hey, That's why Dee IS FAT!" means my plan for the totally stealth, low key persona have failed? Or maybe, it was today when I mentioned something about someone in my life who is gay, and the follow up joke was a confusing bit about my own sexuality and whether I was "packing?"
Rodney Dangerfield said it best, "I don't get no respect."
Pretty much I think we lived a Northern California cliche today. The kind of cliche that lends itself to the smugness of the Bay Area about quality of life, beautiful vistas and whatnot. Probably would have been a good time for an earthquake just to keep my New England sensibilities about nothing ever getting too good being allowed.
A co-worker had gotten through an auction an afternoon's wine tour and tasting. We toured, we tasted and then we picknicked. Lovely.
And, the boy-o got to drive the new wheels through winding mountain roads.
Better yet, the dad who was the essential host of the event is a geologist, specializing in the kind of fossil fuel ooze that creates wars and protests and hybrids and Hummers. I love old dude characters.
I learned today that there's a big ole pool of black gold under L.A. Apparently, drilling through Beverly Hills High could gets us more than a few satisfying barrels of crude. All with the added attraction of being a quick commute to where the cars are. No pesky pipelines.
So the next time the Hollywood elite environmentalists get going, it'll be tough not to ponder saving ANWAR and letting LA take the heat.
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