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Life, not much

We spent some time in the gym tonight (not unusual). But, the thrill was the Republican Youtube.com debates were happening. I’m glad I’m not a member of the Grand Old Party. I don’t think I could easily vote for any of them.

All of the coverage I’ve read on the interwebs since seem to slide over the question I thought made everyone the most weaselly (although really hard to parse that relative scale). This one:

It seemed particularly fucked up to me that Guiliani seemed to take the issue of African American voters to talk about education (or lack thereof), crime and welfare as the dialogue openers with those potential voters. I’m sorry is that the understood meaning our society now adopts? Black = Crime, welfare and bad edumacation. Yeah, I’m sure that’s who the video guy was thinking when he asked his question.

I can’t even look at Giuliani. On the same question, though, Huckabee wants a party that “touches every American from top to bottom.” That would sound fun if it weren’t getting felt up by the GOP.

On a much more positive note. Everyone should eat these cookies. These damn, fine cookies.
791 Joejoes

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I sure as hell hope M. doesn't have a secret life

From the moment I met M., and he glowed in heightening rhetoric, an avid viewer of the Laci and Scott Peterson story, I knew he was a special guy. Together we share hour upon hour of televised real-life crime drama, thanks to CNN’s lack of interest in actual news, and shows like CSI, various CSI spawn, Criminal Minds, and a myriad of Laws and Orders.

M. has discovered a new thrill. Dexter, a Showtime show he bought on DVD. Dexter, an unassuming and cheerful serial killer with a purpose and a code. I haven’t seen M. quite so happy with the old television for a while.

What does it all mean?

(The saving grace, I guess, is what he himself pointed out. It’s good to be with a man who’s trunk is too small to contain your corpus.)

Sadly the weekend has ended

Rather enjoyed four days away from toil. Here’s some pictures to show the festivities:

Weekend of Thanksgiving.

Only other thing I forgot to write about is the ugliness I overheard sort of saw whilst loitering in the Macy’s fragrance department. Shouting voices brought a few curiousity seekers (or nosy parkers) such as myself to crane our necks across purses and cosmetics.

What I ended up seeing was a young woman in a backpack, plaid jacket and pigtails absolutely melting down screaming at a dude with short dreads, whose buddies seemed to be trying to pull him away from her direction. He kept wiggling away and had some retorts of his own before the guys around him gathered him up and away again.

I’m pretty sure the chick was Asian and the dude was African American. Any way you slice it though, you hear one person screaming “nigger” this and that over and fucking over again, punctuated with a “Shut up, bitch,” and it ain’t pretty. Nope, it’s damn ugly.

Not usually depressed about my age, but there is hope

So last weekend, I was on suicide watch. We spent a day at the mall, where I was ostensibly searching for something appropriate to wear to the fancy holiday part of M.’s employer. Last year found us all dressed up and completely trapped in traffic.

I thought it might portend a better omen to start with a new outfit. But at the mall the clothes neatly divided into two categories — complete whore of Babylon for the 25 and younger set or “Jesus, why bother?” frumpiness for those of us still living post here’s my cooch, I just checked out of the clinic and the chlamydia is clear. Seriously, I’m in my 40s, I’m not dead. I don’t want to dress like either an ex-nun or an extra from the finest in San Fernando Valley’s other film industry.

I actually tried on silk separates, a top and a skirt, in a festive holiday, satin sheen, looked in the mirror and thought, “Fucking Christ, a satin sack.” It may as well have been burlap. By the end of the weekend, I had given up all hope of not looking like the mother of the bride in whatever evening where I could find.

M. offered I could where something with black dress pants, like maybe a fashion-y, stylish tuxedo jacket or velvet jacket. I was equating that look to Ellen and Portia at the Oscars.

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I embrace the friends of Sappho, but, yeah, not really my thing.

At work, though, I bitched about my dilemma, and was reminded by the chick from Paris that San Francisco is not a city without hope, or fashion. Although, SF fashion tends towards scarves and layers, because it’s fucking cold and/or unpredictable in that there city with its fog and bay and all, and a certain kind of casual that I can’t describe but you know when you see it. (Check out “Smug Alert” from South Park. About five minutes in an beyond, they capture the essence of SF and the Bay Area.)

So the French chick, who clocks in about the same number of years I do on the planet, made a few solid recommendations. Strolls around Hayes Valley and Haight-Ashbury, I was boutiqued out and poorer. I also discovered labels like Cop Copine and Lauren Vidal. For a couple of hundred bucks and surviving the withering stares of a snobbish sales chick, who I fucking swear was judging me and my pasty, chubby whiteness from her place of adorably and petite-ly and beautifully Asian superiority, I think I’ll look alright at the fiesta. An asymmetric hemline with an under layer of kind of raggedy silk sets off the basic black cotton dress above.

I won’t look French, but I also won’t look 80. (Not that there’s anything wrong with octogenarians.)

Thanksgiving's end

I ate too much. I also started off ignoring the greatest hits menu and freestyled with the alternatives. Starting with crab claws, chilled shrimp, sushi and dried fruit. Ending with a miniature fruit tart (who doesn’t love a little tart?) topped with a tiny cube of mango, one raspberry and a slice of fresh fig.

Wherever you are in the universe, if you can get a slice of fresh fig, I’d eat it.

The view was fab, and I have some crapola pics below (crappy, thanks to large glass surfaces on black effect also known as reflection and being 36 floors up) and fond, much better focused, memories. Glad there wasn’t an earthquake, followed by the towering inferno.

(And to whoever out there might want to contact me — judging by the behind the scenes clicking — I fixed the fucking form. I am a ‘tard and slow in fixing, but I fucking try, I do, I really do. New and improved contact page.)

Most of all THANKS FOR READING THIS CYBER-SHITE.

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Vestigial guilt

Tonight I didn’t bake. I didn’t shop for side dishes. I didn’t think about menus. I peeled nothing. I prepped nothing. No turkey is thawing. No pie crust is chilling.

Instead, I dozed off on the couch while watching television.

Part of my brain feels bad about that. The acculturated part that has heard about a “woman’s role” feels like maybe I’m not doing enough to keep a happy home. I can cook some, and I definitely can bake. Unfortunately for M., he’s met me post-Suzie Cupcake homemaker.

My attitude, which I’ll tell people who ask if I’m cooking tomorrow, is that I sous chef’ed aplenty for Pat. I helped year after year. I got into it. I can make gravy from scratch. I certainly can bake. I know about the sweated brow and trying to time dishes to arrive on the table at the same time, all warm and at their individual peaks. If there were something to prove, I think I proved it.

Now, I’m pretty much done with that phase. If I could have the warmth, homeyness and comfort of a simple feast without the worry and the stress of getting it right, I guess I would be fine with it. Wait, make that all the trimmings and none of the mess and fatigue.

M. probably pegged it right. By going out to dinner tomorrow night, the extra day off on Friday can be one of doing stuff and having fun. It will sure beat a needed extra day for recovery.

I’ll toast to hard workers and cooks everywhere from high above the city of SF, 36 floors above actually.

What a fucking world

I spent dinner all hot and bothered, ranting and yelling about that which I discovered today on the internets. Have you heard the one about the poor teenage suicide and her last encounter on myspace.com?

It seems a year ago a 13-year-old named Megan Meier crushed on a boy who gave her an add os a new friend. Of course, myspace.com has an age limit, and you’re supposed to be 14, but yeah, probably not the first kid to join up, right.

(By the way, the local paper describes her various angst-y hells of 13-dom, including giving her height and weight and apparently long-time struggle over the fat kid thang. The height and weight they gave for the tormented, two inches taller than me and not that far away on the poundage. In the pic, she looks, how should I say, “normal.” Ah, body image, at 13 and 43, I relate.)

Anyway, well in the realm of imagining, the teenage girl has some emotional issues, and the boy she found on the internet told her he couldn’t be her friend any more. Then “he” sent bulletins talking your basic junior high/high school smack. Ending in how everyone in her town hates her.

Shocking right? I mean, every single, fucking day, some kid somewhere gets shit on or tricked or otherwise made to feel ostracized. Back in my day, it was Chris Morrissey and her entourage telling me I couldn’t walk to school with them any more. (I think I lacked sufficient cool, or some other perceived weakness. Ironically on the cool scale, her older sister, Debbie, replete with the hip cache of being one of the older kids, welcomed me into her fold for the school walking.)

Now, inter-child cruelty is web-based and cyber-shitty. Sadly, one email too many ended in this girl going to her room and quietly killing herself before dinner.

Here’s the thing, though. Here’s the thing that has me apoplectically wondering about the utter fuckeduppedness of the world today.

Turns out the boy on myspace.com feigning interest at first an then betraying Megan was a fake. OK, again not surprising. But, FUCKING GROK THIS MISERY, “Josh,” the fake profile, was created by another 13-year-old girl from the neighborhood AND HER FUCKING ALL GROWN UP MOTHER. What kind of sad, sorry excuse for adulthood would fucking do that?

Everyone on the planet has now seen Chris Hansen shame the pants off of predators on the web. Hell, “To Catch a Predator” got so big that other news channels started investigating the investigations. And, don’t get me started again, about Perverted Justice.

I understand some of the law behind it. By the way, it does seem a bit fucked up to me that it’s wrong to solicit from folks who ain’t never going to give up the goods. I mean there’s a weird little part of it that makes me wonder if we’re bordering on mind policing with the whole online laws.

It’s not right and it’s not moral and it’s icky as hell, but I figure a good chunk of the the soliciting dudes are all sitting in their dingy grunts by the dim light of a basic beige box blazing up the intertubes with proposition after proposition. Like slightly retarded spiders they pounce on every breeze that vaguely shimmies their webs. They miss, they move on until the next breeze touches their world of eternal hope.

The key is mostly no one ever says “yes” to the dudes with online handles like “DavieWants2,” “can_i_rape_you_anally” and “kinky_man_in_corona” (all real names from the folks Perverted Justice notes as convicted). The guys are most definitely by most peoples standards total scumbags, I get that, but I think we all gotta admit that chatting up a teenager with:

manofdarkneedsl951 (10:36:56 PM): you like to see men jack off?

amid foreplay like “you want to meet an older man?” and misspelled questions about masturbation isn’t being deceptive. You read through a few Perverted Justice chats and the creepy guys aren’t exactly hiding the slime and luring folks into their lair.

I imagine if I had a teenager I could even show them the transcripts and pictures and instantly, even the most rebellious kid, would agree, “Yeah, Ma, no worries, that’s just gross, don’t worry about me jumping on that.”

Back to my point, though. In my world where free speech is a core value, there ought to be a law against a mother who poses on myspace.com to fuck with a girl to help her own sad 13-year-old. For her, I’d be willing to bring back some stocks, pillories and good, old-fashioned public shaming.

Stox5

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