I have a lot of important decisions on my mind. All I want is what works out best for anyone involved, I guess, not least of which is myself.

Like moving. I want more than anything for M. to feel settled and proud of what he’s doing. Right now, I feel impossibly unsettled myself, and would be just happy if we could settle somewhere together. I figure if at any time one of us felt stable, we would have a good thing going.

I keep mentally drawing up pro-West/con-West v. pro-East/con-East charts. The fucking frustration is in the end it’s apples and tomatoes. Similar looking, but not altogether the same. How do you weigh financial data against social structure. The reputed free and easy accepting attitudes of the West and the sunshine and possibilities versus the stoic pragmatism of the East and the Autumn and the comfort of what I already know (including my family).

I truly think I could go either way. Sometimes I like rain and sometimes I like snow.