… EVER.

As friend and comic, Timmy McIntire points out, Matt Drudge may be the lord kind of hypocrites, decrying the scandal of Superbowl Sunday (and Sunday’s the Lord’s day, even).

While perusing the many articles, here are some thoughts:

Does this meanJason Timberlake is not gay? That would be more newsworthy, wouldn’t it?

(I know I’m stereotyping about boys in boy bands, but we are talking about Justin Timberlake.)

Or maybe he’s just pathetically striking out at the true object of his affection, Brittany Spears. By the way, Brittany’s Foundation is dedicated to helping kids in need. She has a performing arts camp, where presumably at risk kids can channel their wayward energies into art. Thank God there is a way for all of those slutty, slutty preteens to work out there slutty, slutty ways by emulating Brittany and, thus, avoid the endless cycle of UTIs and whatnot that would otherwise be there destiny. Of course, the downside is we may lose a generation of hookers.

Back to Janet’s metal encrusted nip, M. sent me a picture. Isn’t the Internet wonderful, and isn’t that the sweetest thing? Actually, what does it mean when your self-proclaimed metrosexual manfriend sends you a picture of a famous breastage?

In the ensuing bruhaha, and the denials and finger-pointing and all, there has been discussion of the appropriateness for family viewing. So, since fucking when is the Superbowl, or any other major SPORTS event, a family value kind of show? Beer commercials, bimbo cheerleaders, obviously drunken fans and massively overgrown men running into each other with blood, sweat and tears all up in there. Yeah, that’s what little kids should be checking out. If a kid is old enough to watch the game and stay up until about 11 p.m. on a Sunday, the kid is old enough to handle a little titty (um, not handle, exactly, I’m not a pedophile freak). But, come on, little, little kids shouldn’t be watching pro football.

CBS and the FCC and all of the decriers of filth need to lighten up on the wonderful, homespun image of the family gathered together and enjoying an evening’s television that was ruined. Norman Rockwell never painted the joy on a child’s face as he watches 300 pounds of crunching human flesh. Spare us the family rhetoric bullshit.

Of course the best quote was:

[FCC Chairman Michael K.] Powell said his unhappiness with the halftime show went beyond Jackson’s exposure. It “wasn’t even the most offensive part,” the FCC chief said in an interview. “It was the finale of something that was offensive. The whole performance was onstage copulation.” He added, “This really crossed a heinous line.”

I’m guessing it’s a been a while since Powell has actually seen copulation. I think he might need Mike Ditka to show him how hit the hole metaphorically speaking.

So, every other commercial featuring coy references to a man being a real steel-driving man crosses no heinous line. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

By the way, on the Levitra website there is a discussion of “EQ,” or as they say in the biz, “Erectile Quality.” Surprisingly, in defining what determines EQ they do not mention the component I think most essential — Don’t be an asshole with a hard on.

They also have this quote:

Of course, LEVITRA alone will not give you an erection. You’ll need sexual stimulation for an erection to happen. After you’re finished having sex, blood flow to the penis should decrease and your erection should go away.

I think if you don’t know how your dick works, you shouldn’t be using this shit.

Also, you got to love the spare phraseology of “After you’re finished having sex…”

“Um, Doc, but how will I know when I’m done, and it is now ‘after having sex?’ Will there be any signs I should look for?”

Yeah, how about when you are mopping spoonge off your date?