I don't know what I'm doing. I can't use a browser. My computer skills have deteriorated.
Maybe it's the heat. Maybe it's global warming. Maybe it's my brain. Or the new quite zippy, quite warm Intel Duo Core processors. Did I even string those words together in the right order?
It's so goddam hot outside and the laptop adds another wide chunk of British Thermal Units, so I searched the web and my gray matter for some kind of laptop pad, cooling device. Easy to use, portable, capable of pulling some of the heat away and/or shielding my skimpely (or however the fuck it's spelled), naked-ish thighs.
Cooling pads exist. I even sought them out a bit. Ultimately, I decided to create something myself. Tonight, I invented the towel.
Unrelatedly, I know now why (and I suspect I knew 11 years ago when I bought my place) why the cliches and hating are consistently directed at real estate agents and lawyers. They're not bad people, I suppose. The problem is they know everything by rote. We, the dirty, unwashed, dazed buyers and sellers do not. We interpret unanswered calls or quick emails that say "no hurry" to mean, I guess, um, "no hurry."
Then, comes the call with code words like "Where's the P&S?"
You know, when I left the message saying that I hoped it wasn't a problem but my car was in the shop and I wouldn't have access to a full, wide array of office equipment, it meant the people I am paying huge piles of dollar bills to help me could rally. Fucking A.
Is it wrong to have a hard on at a wake?
Depends on who died.
Why, in god’s name, do you ask?
It may not be “wrong” but I’m sure it is not socially appropriate. . unless. . of course. . the deceased was a porn star. . a fluffer. . .or a very good “Escort”. Frankly, I would expect everyone to have a hard-on at my funeral . . . Out of respect.
It is an homage of sorts isn’t it? I mean if it’s not visible…
no foul. Right? The tree in the forest? (Insert Redwood joke here) (insert INSERT joke here)
I had to do a wake this week and there was a hottie there and I was just wondering what the protocol was.
I didn’t actually get the aforementioned wood, but while all were mourning, I tried to untangle the age old question of sexuality and human nature as it relates to religious rituals.
For the record, it wasn’t the corpse what provoked the question. That’s too sick. Even for me.
Funerals and wakes are weird for me anyway.
Weddings make me think of funerals because they are a beginiing and I naturally think of the end.
Funerals and wakes on the other hand. Well I usually think that if there is an afterlife, now the deceased knows how much I masterbate.
Dot, at your wake perhaps you could offer a prize to any male that kneels to pray and knoocks over the casket with his manhood.
Maybe put a dunking tank beside the casket. Dunk Dot!
Just a thought.
Sorry for the diversion Denise.
As Greg and marcia say, “It suddenly came up.”
I believe it is spelled, “masturbate.”
Thanks Wanker.
(1) Dot, I’m going to be packing a rager when I bless myself beside your corpus. Even if I have to buy it from Grand Opening.
(2) Since occasionally members of the fam drop by here, I’ll spare the world my post funereal experience.
(3) The boyo knows about the topic at hand (cue rimshot)
(4) “Wanker.” Good one.
(5) Weird, that’s the second person today to refer to my cyberself by the name of my actual self. So much for cloaking.
Oh and (6) You can say what you want here, but please don’t desecrate the memories of Greg and Marcia. Every Friday night. Hence this story from the archives: http://dee-rob.com/wordpress/index.php/2005/04/quickrandom/
That’s horrible. I had a simualr experience with Lost In Space and my Dad except in a more wwonder Years vein. Not nearly as mean.
Ummm. I beleve it’s spelt “simalar.”
C-
I believe a hard -on from Grand Opening would be entirely appropriate , given my circumstances on this mortal coil .. . .I’m usually thinking about three things -Sex, Death and food. .. Food being the most prominent of the three.
Yes. A Grand opening would be fine.
However, a hard on from a motorcycle or Porsche or some gadgety thing is kind of gay.
Is there a handbook for this?