I was going to name this post “Literally looking to get chopped into pieces,” but I don’t know if that will be the end, so I cannot say for sure if it’s metaphoric. I mean, on Court TV’s and A&E’s various offerings, spiking the live-in’s KoolAid with antifreeze seems to be de rigueur, and who am I to blow against the wind? (Additionally, he seems to favor the blue-flavored Gatoraid, so I’m halfway there.)

You see, M. was born to taunt me into craziness. Yesterday’s post about the fact (as far as I’m concerned it’s a fact) that in California irony, poetic license, figures of speech, sarcasm and all that fun shit are practically non-existent. It works for the folks here, much like “Have a nice day” must have been coined here, and they must have really meant it.

Even at an eye exam today, I mentioned the literal thing to the eye doctor in response to his asking what I had discovered different here from the East. He, a native Californian per his bio, literally said nothing. I’m assuming the concept of literal and figurative just isn’t on the collective radar screen. (And there I am using “radar screen” as a metaphor, a boring, cliched, hackneyed metaphor, but not a literal “radar screen.”)

Back to M., though, who appears to be hankering for a murdelation coming his way. ALLLLLLLL DAYYYYYYYYY, he used literally in sentences, both in clarifying literal meaning and dramatically and ironically to point out what should be figurative.

He did this LITERALLY all day long.