Another morning and I’m up at dawn, because I never went to bed. Why? Because I was watching a stupid movie. That, and screwing around with web design. Why? How the fuck should I know.

I’ve barely made any effort all weekend to make any human contact. I was supposed to go to a party. I got in my car and drove to the neighborhood, but never parked. Sometimes, I just get so convinced that I have no ability to socialize. So, of course, I act that out and don’t socialize. I could easily be a hermit, I think. In fact, one reason I don’t spend enough time writing something “serious” is that I think I could easily step into an intellectually masturbatory haze in which I retreat from all human contact. Which, would be pretty fucked up. I would have to face that I don’t enjoy my own company THAT much.

I mean masturbation is fun and all, even the virtual, intellectual kind, but every now and again a girl’s gotta get the real deal. You know, intercourse, social and otherwise.

Tomorrow, I shall strive to not be a freakish hermit and seak some kind of company.

(The worst part, because of course this is like my junior high journal right here, is that I can’t be with the boy I like. I need physical contact to remind myself that there’s an outside world.)