In the last couple of days, I’ve stumbled through some comedian weblogs and other comedy shit that I don’t usually read. (I’m tempted to link to one of them here as illustration, but that would turn out a tad confrontational.)

After perusing this excrement, I’ve come to the conclusion, similes are unfunny and possibly anathema to so-called “comedy.”

For example, if you are a “comic” and you find yourself writing something like, “That was about as fun as peeing on a pile of dead puppies,” you’re not funny.

There’s a whole lot of people claiming to be funny who just string together various sexual, scatological, icky and/or absurd nouns and pass it off as whit. “Hummingbird twat” is not inherently funny or clever and if you think it is, I’d bet you couldn’t write anything around it that would evoke laughter in folks other than your sophomoric friends.

Yeah, and I already fucking know, reading this little mini-rant is about as pleasurable as having a proctologist scope a monkey’s anus with a toilet brush, while wearing a dental damn and a nurse’s cap. Never mind about the eviscerated bunnies covered in baby boogers.