Here's a sentence I thought I might never write (only I would never have actually thought it up in my imaginary inside my head world):

Today, I left work with a bag of raw meat in my hand.

It was leftovers from lunch.  (At lunch they barbecued the meat, it wasn't like us worker drones were chucked raw beef into their cubicles.)

I had a sleepless morning before dawn today after waking up from one of those kind of dreams that is so friggen mundane and dull that it seems absolutely real.  Essentially, and the reason I woke up, I went off on one of my siblings for some perceived wrong.

In retrospect upon waking, I had the feeling that maybe the recent death of a mom in my extended family had me thinking about the mom in my family.  For the most part, because I'm comfortable with my own relationship with Pat when she went, I'm all right with the sibs.  Not like hating and fighting is bringing up a resurrection.

Still and all, there's shit I wish was never said in the wake of Pat's wake.  It kind of goes back to being the baby kid sister I think.  In a lot of fights. pathetic victim kid sister that I was, I heard more than a bit of being "fat" and "stupid."  I never believed the "stupid," 'cuz frankly my tormentors had their own weaknesses, but the "fat" always sunk in.  I believed it until I moved out, started living my life and realized maybe I was robust or zaftig, but I was healthy.

At the end of the day, I'm pretty conflict adverse, hating fights and being far too fucking sensitive about name-callling.  Childhood, childish rules take over and all I fucking want is "taking it back."  All's fare, if you just take it back.

(Pretty much if you were to be a guy whose name begins with M. and you were to live with me, alls you got to do after a fight is take it back.)

I woke up this morning wishing some shit under the bridge, some words said, some accusations made could just be taken back.