I said I was thinking of a couple of things. Here’s the other thing. You know what sucks? That a group of people ever made me feel like a reputation as a hard to get along with bitch was ever deserved.

Just like with any bad relationship, my most recent “break up” has reminded me of all the small ways you get ground down into believing shit about yourself that just ain’t fucking true. I’m actually pretty mellow and a good listener, even if I am direct and honest and intelligient and ethical and a host of other qualities that usually get tallied in the plus column, but seemed to creep into the negative in a certain time and place in my life.

I have a rocking sense of humor, enough sense to comprehend humility, enough self-esteem issues to actually curb my pride and, honest to fucking god, and I will punch in the dick anyone who quotes me on this next phrase, I really like people. Fuck you, really, I’m a people person.

Mostly, I thought of these things the other night. Another comic was having a bad night of worrying about her set and her shit and comedy and all the usual shit that whorls into a rocky night of trying to make other people laugh. I, on the other hand, felt good and centered and comfortable enough with myself to be able to listen to her and buck up the failing spirits a tad. She jokingly said I should go into counseling and whined about who would she talk to when/if I move.

We are not actually that close. We are co-workers in comedy. In this job, though, no one seems to want to convince me I’m a difficult bitch with whom no one can get along. (I would contrast this episode with another story in which I was teased endlessly about not having any skills to provide tech support or any other kind of customer support, but I fear misunderstandings from telling some stories of mine.)

If there were one thing I would change about myself for sure, it would be in any type of relationship not hanging out so long that folks start to grind you into misery or that the logic of others begins to warp my own decisions. Let’s fucking pray to the deity of your choice that I never make those kinds of mistakes again.

I am smart enough, good enough and goshdarnit people like me.