If there were one aspect of myself that I would change if I could (apart from my apparent aversion to going to sleep), it would be the stubborn streak that won’t let me easily drop something. I debated with myself all day as to whether to comment on the website where my apparent shortcomings were openly trashed. I just did reply; I couldn’t let it slide. What I didn’t do was slam back with the same disdain. (At least I don’t think I did, but it’s pretty clear I’m not always great at taking that temperature.)
Two good things and one jokey glib thing came out of this little cyber-row. First, I was woken up a bit to how much the country and the world is becoming increasingly polarized and moving in a direction in which I am not happy. My core values are threatened as the louder voices of the religious right, etc. shout down my beliefs and label them immoral or worse. It is incumbent upon me and all others who share our views to fight back, speak up and organize. So, the first good thing is awakening that activism in me. My first baby step was an email to Eileen McNamara of the Boston Globe thanking her for speaking up and writing about things like Archbishop O’Malley’s contempt.
The second good thing is that one of posters did defend me a bit, and he sent me a personal email without accusations and name-calling, and I returned the favor. So, while it is easy to rail against the crowd, it’s always good to remember the individual voices. By and large, I don’t agree with the guy, and I’m mildly confused and amused by what I think are presumptious assumptions about me in his reply, but, hey, what are you going to do? I hope that one thing I’m able to maintain overall in life, though, is some ability to talk with people with different experiences and points of view and keep myself open to learning. Obviously, if you have ever read anything here, I can suck at that, but every now and again, it really works for me.
The last treasure, and, yes, this is the salvo over the bow. Thank GOD, or whatever yanks your crank spiritually, for the total bullshit negativity heaped upon me. Every now and then I long for the comfort and for what I think is the easy answer and delusional balm of a church watching your back. Why not turn off your own senses and sense of responsibility and just let the Pope or whoever decide for you? Fuck freewill when you have rules to follow and groups to hate. Like many who have suffered through personal challenges and losses, I have thought, wouldn’t it be nice if I could pray or know that someone I loved hadn’t died in vain? But, at my deepest core, I believe that organized religion is a purely human construct, mumbo jumbo no different than Zeus worship or medicine men, necessary to comfort ourselves, but without a base. That’s my belief, although by and large folks I care about have something more divine going on for them. A few even regularly go to church. I respect their choices even as I don’t understand them.
SOOOOOOOO, thank god those good folks reminded me that I want no part AT ALL of their world. I’ll party with the sinners til judgment day, while they shake their heads in dismay. And, I will do my best to not be an absolute shit to my fellow humans for the time I have, but I ain’t taking any shit either.