OK Kids, This one is a doozy.

I had the worst first day at a new job, beginning the worst, first week. I’m part of an administrator affinity group on Facebook and posted the blow by blow all week to that circle of colleagues. Here’s the cut and post of those entries

Remember kids, work doesn’t need to steal your soul. There are also NO administrative emergencies. Even when I worked at a hospital, pushing paper didn’t save lives. Speak up and don’t take bullshit whenever you can. Worst case, they find another chump and you move on to the next adventure.

Here we go!

Posted Tuesday, 2/16/21

Sharing, just in case this helps anyone feel either a sense of camaraderie or maybe feel better about how well they do their jobs.

Literally started a new job yesterday. It’s a startup, so I’m mentally prepared for some intensity from a genius founder. Job description is the standard stuff, lots of calendar action, dealing with emails. Felt pretty good that by the end of the day, I had started to clean up a bunch of calendar conflicts and dropped scheduling requests.

Then, at about 5 p.m. I get a Slack. New boss wants to re-route a flight back home Wed. to add an extra leg to another city tonight for an important meeting. So, when I was just about to call it a day, I had to (1) figure out flights, (2) figure out Covid-19 quarantine requirements for the new leg, (3) book the new flight based on when he could get testing, (4) find and book a hotel, (5) fail to be able to change the flight home to be from the new location, so (6) cancel the flight home and (7) rebook a new flight from the new location. Then I woke up this morning, and he realized that the flight tonight wouldn’t work with the Covid test waiting time, so I had to rebook 

ALL of this on Alaska Airlines and Southwest, which were clobbered by all of the snowstorms and bad weather. So wait times on the phone or texts were like 10 hours. (Alaska called me back at 3:30 a.m., per the bot that obviously got my voicemail.)

I lost track of the number of mistakes I made!

New boss may be convinced I’m slow.

I simply didn’t have any/all of the details I’d usually start with, couldn’t get through to the airlines, rushed because of the timeline, and generally just wasn’t up to my own usual standards. He actually only today gave me access to all of the logins in 1password.

Sadly, my Slack is now full of friendly nudges, like “in the future, please remember…” or “Let’s try to keep these details straight…”

I’m honestly insane on details, and I actually have a form I use to write down all of the frequent flyer, known traveler numbers, name, DOB, etc., etc. Just made the BIG mistake of thinking day 1 would be onboarding and setting things up and hadn’t sent to him.

I don’t even have my own work computer yet! I’m doing all of this from my personal computer.

Feels better to write it down for people who will probably feel my pain.

Posted Thursday, 2/18/21

TL;dr: The adventures of the worst onboarding ever, a short story.

Hey it’s me again! I should have a blog dedicated to just this new job. Thought you all might to hear the latest.

I very much appreciate the outpouring of virtual hugs, encouragement, understanding and humor. Hopefully you all will read this post like a short story of how not to start a job.

I’m timeboxing (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timeboxing) my decision on whether to quit. I’ll decide by mid-March. Fully prepared to cut my losses, given it was the worst ever first day of any job in a long, and storied, work history.

Meanwhle… Captain’s Log, Day 3 in the new job, Wednesday, 2/17:

New exec made it back and forth on all of the travel I arranged. He did almost miss two of the flights (one he blamed me, because I hadn’t put all of his travel info in his portfolio). For both flights, he arrived at the airport <30 minutes before departure.

He sends several scheduling emails, mentioning me by name as “Dennise.” I finally point out in Slack that my name is “Denise.” He blames spellcheck but does say he’ll watch it.

In our check in 1:1, I told the Ops person who is my manager “on paper” that I need a reset and a one-on-one with the CEO to kick off a fresh start.

I mentioned it was my worst first day ever.

She said she understood my frustration. However, he’s really a great guy when you get to know him, and that I’d get used to how his brilliant brain works. She advised if I meet with him to use “soft words” and be careful what I said. She then explained to me (again) about his special brain, how engineers work and how you get used to MIT types. 

(Side note: Pretty sure she graduated college in 2018, and this job is her first non-internship/fellowship job. I’m in my 50s, graduated in 1985 w/~30 years relevant experience. I literally worked for years at MIT for MIT Faculty. My last job, I was part of the Engineering team at a startup. I text my science and engineering friends. They laughed and point out assholes are assholes.)

Day 3, Nighttime We were messaged along with the other execs: The CEO has a “family emergency.” He sent a complete list of what I needed to cancel/reschedule, tagging me by name in Slack and in relevant emails, and this time made sure I had all of the info.

I was not told the details of what was wrong and sent what I hope was a polite and caring note that I would take care of everything he asked of me and I could do more. Didn’t hear back (and knew his plane was just landing around 10 p.m.), so certainly didn’t press him w/questions, etc.

At around 10:30 p.m. the Ops person sent some passive aggressive notes about how she’d take care of everything, because I was new. She had started her plan – email people immediately (i.e., at 11 p.m.), cc me, tell them to contact me to reschedule, and I could handle the calendar later. I pointed out that since there were no meetings that weren’t internal until the afternoon, I could simply send notes in the morning. She stopped messaging me.

Captain’s Log, Day 4 in the new job, Thursday, 2/18:

By 10:30 a.m., I had everything in his calendar today and tomorrow canceled, and every person was sent options for rescheduling or a note that I would send times soon.

(Personal reflection — decades of admin have taught me that no one wants your 11 p.m. email about a meeting tomorrow. A canceled meeting is a blessing, and people don’t mind that news.)

Finally, someone gave me details around 11 a.m. about a major medical issue in the CEO’s family. Apparently, it was in some emails that the person who told me was like, “Oh, you should have been cc’d.” 

Fresh 1 on 1 check in with Ops person. She asks me how I’m doing today, and I’m low-key. Nothing new to say, just worried about the CEO and his family. Vibe in the virtual remove is awkward AF.

She seems out of sorts, thanks me for the calendaring, but then explains why she was going to handle it and was just trying to do me a favor.

She brings up another thing I supposedly did wrong and over explains context (the context she had not given me, when I did what she originally asked).

She switches gears and says she hasn’t read a follow-up I sent on updating the annual company holiday calendar, because there were too many words.

“Let’s skim together, and {seeming exasperated to my ears} asks what the problem is.”

No problem, I say. I just wanted to review the holidays that fell on the weekend, and why a major federal holiday was skipped entirely. (My too wordy note was a bulleted list of dates.)

She argues that U.S. Labor Day is not a “real” holiday, News to me.

Finally, she reminded me of the “tradition” they have. New people have to present a game or activity at the weekly company social.  She wanted to know if I was ready.

When I said I was surprised, given the CEO’s family emergency, I got a lecture on how he’d want us to still have it.

When I said I wasn’t sure what to do, since I hadn’t met anyone at the company at all, she got snippy, reminded me she told me about it my first day, and said she’d do it. She would need to know right away, if I couldn’t do it, since she’d need time to prep and do it herself.

Pretty sure her picture appears on Wikipedia next to passive aggressive.

I sent her a short version of a trivia game I wrote for my last job and asked if it was OK. She seems iffy, because I couldn’t answer how I thought it would work (since I’ve never been to their socials before). Oh well.

So, tomorrow, I host a social and trivia game for a dozen strangers. It’s really quite remarkable I’m sober right now (and still employed). If you read this far, I hope you enjoyed the journey. And please forgive my taking up so much space. And time. And oxygen.

Posted around 4 p.m. Friday, 2/19/21

TGIF y’all!

If you’re following my adventures in the worst first week, I’ll be updating my log after dinner.

(I actually wrote it all up on the company’s clock, but computer glitched and I lost it.)

Hope everyone is safe, dry, getting food and water, and is ready to rock the weekend.

Remember, they need all of us more than we need them. Afterall, we have usable life skills.

Posted after dinner. Friday, 2/19/21

Captain’s log: Friday, Day 5 of the worst onboarding ever. I’m back. And, I must confess it’s Friday night, and the picture shows the very real sunset from my very real first week on the job. I may have had >1 glass.

I haven’t loved this group as much as the enthusiasm I’ve gotten for my posts. You all gave me so much this week. The perspective has been to infinity and beyond, and it all really helped me feel grounded.

Thank you! Really, thank you.

So, here’s what happened today. 

I woke up to finding out the CEO’s grandfather died. I sincerely feel bad about that, and with COVID19, it’s a big deal.

I’m given a list of what to reschedule and what the priorities are and, honestly, that’s where I am solid. I get to work with calendar voodoo and polite emails. And, since I’m not a monster, I want to help. So, I do.

On my last post, the big item was today’s company social. I had to host a “fun” activity for a dozen people.

Full disclosure, I’ve done standup comedy. I’ve hosted open mike nights. I’ve entertained drunks. This morning was definitely easier. But all in all, still crazy.

I found out that one of the reasons people were not friendly this week is that there’s a software deadline for a potential product sale that was almost missed. Missed by a long shot actually. Several people pulled an all-nighter for today’s deadline.

They were happy, though, and excited to have the social, because they pulled out all of the stops and made progress.

People were happily chatting and letting off steam at the “social.” It felt nice.

{Personal aside, why would a company social be at 10 a.m.? Is that a fun time?}

The main character in my last update was the passive aggressive Ops person. She was in rare form.

While people chatted and seemed to just relax at the social, Ops person had to stage manage. First, someone suggested (given the all-nighter) that we should start all weekly socials with shoutouts, thanks and acknowledgments. Anyone in Silicon Valley, and elsewhere, is familiar with all-hands meetings and offering gratitude.

Ops person made an awkward joke mocking the idea, comparing it to the Bachelor TV show and roses. The joke died on the vine. Visibly died. Like 12 people blinking into their Zoom screens.

The person who suggested giving thanks plowed on and thanked half the people on the call for their hard work and commitment.

Conversation resumed. It was fun. Ops person interrupted. She tut-tutted and shushed and said I would be presenting a game. TADA!

What you really never want for “fun” is an introduction predicated on shushing. But, hey, I’m flexible.

So, I present my trivia game, which started with a photo matching game of rare bird photos (that I took in a lot of travel). Before I can get it centered on screen sharing, Ops person asks me to make it bigger, blah blah blah.

People dug it. Everyone is speaking up, making guesses, talking about rare birds they’ve seen, guessing where the birds live. Three photos were from East Africa trips I’ve taken, so there was a lot of interest in those birds. It was kind of great and relaxed.

Ops person interrupts to say she’s going to keep score and asks how had I structured competing. I mention I’m a hippie and hadn’t structured as a competition. She starts announcing who’s “winning.”

We move onto the next part of my trivia game, straight up sports. Again, free flowing, joking. I give some hints for the tough ones. For one of the questions, the answer is Michael Jordan and the Chicago Bulls. Ops person asks “What are the Bulls?” Much laughter follows and even the French guy laughs at her and makes a joke about the best basketball team ever. Kind of awkward when a European makes fun of an American about basketball.

I cut off the game when I realize part three, the anagrams, is too hard. I said I’d simply put that section in the Slack random channel. And I do. From there, it’s a relaxed, fun conversation. Weather, snow, skiing, children. Normal social conversations. Score one for me for not caving and for engendering a warm conversation.

I felt good about myself. After the social, I had a conversation with the only dude to reach out to me all week, who started last month. He told me the company is chaotic and could use me and hopes I’ll stay.

I get through all of my work. Ops person thanks me for answering emails. I think someone told her managing is always saying “thank you,” whether it sounds insincere or not.

Full of Friday afternoon not giving a shit, I sent a Slack message to the only executive still online, the third of the 3 cofounders.

I send him an emoji wave, and say, “I didn’t want to end the week without at least saying ‘Hi.'” He immediately replies and essentially apologizes for not initiating contact. I tell him that I understand the pressure. I continue that I have never experienced such a negative onboarding, so I just wanted to reach out, given that I felt quite isolated.

Coincidence, I think not — Right after that message, I get invited to a meeting on Monday with #2 cofounder. #2 then sends me a Slack message. We share pleasantries. I then tell him I am very much considering if I’m a fit for the company, and that I suspect the answer is “no.” 

There was more back and forth, and he thanked me for being honest and telling him that I had issues. He claims the company values frank and honest feedback. I tell him that while Ops person seems like a nice human, she is not at all an appropriate manager, and therefore my experience has been untenable. 

In the end, he asked I don’t do anything until we can talk. He also said that he will not bring up what I told him to the Ops person until he and I can talk. Also, from what I said he really does hope that we can work something out.

Meanwhile, he did ask for my help on rescheduling their board meeting. He seemed to really sincerely want my help. And, he seemed really afraid if I didn’t help, because they need help.

I promised as a professional and an empathetic human, I would do everything I could until we could talk. 

Friday night. Some wine in my belly, at least I stood up for myself. Monday will be a new chapter…

(In case you’re curious, I plan to review with him my observations on all their dysfunctions. I will offer two solutions: (1) They retain me, assign an appropriate manager, structure things so I am successful, fix their glaring holes, and it’s all happy or (2) they pay me off as a consultant, I’ll provide a report on what I see are the gaps, I cover a quick transition to not leave them hanging, but then we call it a day. (3) is unspoken – we break up.) Hope you all are keeping on keeping on.

UPDATE
Posted Sunday, Feb. 21, 2021

Hey Facebook universe, I have a job update sooner than I expected. If you saw my blog post or Friday post here, I had the worst first week of any job ever.

Now, I just resigned.

Here’s the post I shared with the admin group where I’m an active member. Holy Schnikeys, joining this company was a mistake.

****

I don’t know whether to laugh, cry or check to see if I’m in an episode of Black Mirror. This shit is so sideways, I’m gobsmacked.

I spent a lovely Sunday on a hike in the sun. My game plan was to write an agenda to keep on track for my meeting tomorrow with #2 cofounder. I was typing away on my computer, doing just that when I heard the alert for Slack.The CEO wrote me a loooooooooonnnnnnnggggg Slack message.

Started OK. Brief apology for the week being crazy sort of generally, you know, COVID, virtual, busy week for the company, yada yada. Like an apology for the circumstances, so not really an apology, more like a whoopsie daisy.

Then on to the meat!

Apparently, I’m terrible. I’m quite bad. Not proactive, poor communicator, passive aggressive. I may have kidnapped Lindberg’s baby. I’m not sure.

There’s a fun little corporate twist in all of his words. In their little corporate doc they say they “have a culture of overcommunication: there’s no such thing as giving someone too much information.” I reached out to management, when the CEO was rushing to his family home, and I shared how I felt. #2 cofounder dude said that kind of thing was welcomed.

Oops. Guess that’s not true. Among the CEO’s bulleted notes against me, it was supremely uncool I did that and evidence of my passive aggression. I was being wicked naughty and bumming people out by talking to them.

Meanwhile, his main beef is that I didn’t accomplish everything that first week. He really hoped I’d do all of the things. I think my favorite paragraph is this:

– A lack of proactivity. As I’m writing this, the state of my inbox is considerably worse than when you started, I haven’t seen much activity in Front, and the calendar has conflicts. I know your work computer has been delayed, but it’s not required for any of these areas.

It’s my favorite for three reasons:

(1) He hasn’t been checking his email, I only just started and now it’s worse. How do you think that could happen?

(2) I’ve explained several times that my personal computer is set up for my personal stuff, you know, because it’s mine, and I cannot get everything to work.

(3) His calendar doesn’t have conflicts, or at least it didn’t on Friday.

Strangely, it’s the first job in decades, maybe even going back to when I scooped ice cream cones at 15 1/2, that I’ve been told I lack proactivity. I’m actually kind of annoyingly proactive.

After several paragraphs of my inadequacies, he offers me two ways forward. (1) I admit all of my evil, quote, “internalize the feedback, work to improve…” and together we forge a new relationship or (2) not.

My dear husband helped proofread a couple of paragraphs that I sent as a reply in Slack. I wasn’t in the mood to match him crazy length to crazy length or tit for tat.

THEN, and gloriously then, I emailed my resignation letter to the lot of them. They probably won’t miss me at all. Yet, I can say with certainty, they will miss me more than I will miss them.