Technically, it’s not stealing, and honestly, no one gives a shit, but
all the food lying around this workplace makes me feel petty and
pilfering.

I was thinking about the HUGE upsurge in my beverage intake
(especially coffee and soda). I was thinking about it while walking
through the machinations of my morning toilette, most especially.

I had effectively stopped suckling at the caffeine teat or had at
least tapered to civilized not addict proportions. A leisurely Sunday
morning cup with the beau, a warm pot of tea as I wrote and read the
morning news. Well under my extra large Dunkin’ Donuts jones and
afternoon Diet Coke pounding during my past employment.

But, now, I fear a rebound addiction of epic proportions, all because
my calm appreciation of caffeine and moderate behavior is smacking
right hard up against the heady excitement of FREE STUFF.

As in all things, I blame my mother.

Pat’s post-Depression childhood and packrat ways taught me the
appreciation of giveaways. (She was scrupulously honest and would
never steal. And god knows she was ever vigilant and suspicious of
any concept of "free lunch," as am I, knowing full well quid pro quo
payback can be a bitch. But, a great bargain or a enticing freebie,
she would queue right up.)

I swear to god, I can recall as a kid seeing her slip an extra muffin
from a brunch buffet into her purse on the way out.

If she worked in this office, her timidness would keep her from
unbridled pocket stuffing. But, in her memory, as I am sure Pat would
have done, I brought a Snapple and snack-sized bag of peanuts home to
M.

By the way, having snacks and beverages around fucks with my circadian
rhythm of working and slacking. No 7th-inning stretch afternoon
breaks to ponder the candy machine or walk to Dunkies.

I’ll have to find another pause that refreshes.