{"id":1323,"date":"2006-08-08T19:44:31","date_gmt":"2006-08-09T02:44:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/dee-rob.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/2006\/08\/an-inescapable-sense-of-doom\/"},"modified":"2006-08-08T19:44:31","modified_gmt":"2006-08-09T02:44:31","slug":"an-inescapable-sense-of-doom","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dee-rob.com\/wp\/an-inescapable-sense-of-doom\/","title":{"rendered":"An inescapable sense of doom"},"content":{"rendered":"

My whole life, and probably not the least bit related to being the baby sister, I am sure, I have been subjected to "good-natured" teasing.  Testament was born by nickname that echoed bitterly in my second grade, after a star turn in the class play about Toyland.  I went from being not just "Moose" for my size, but "Moose the Mechanical Man" for my robotic tour de force.<\/p>\n

Commonly, any morsel of food I dared put to my lips in childhood engendered one brother or another to utter something akin to "Look, she's eating again." or simply, "Horse."<\/p>\n

In adulthood something about my nature kept me an easy and apparently agreeable target.  I changed my name a couple to a dozen times on this Internet bulletin board<\/a> to spare my jangled nerves some attention.  At least the nickname of comedic adulthood, dee-rob, doesn't have me swinging my coronet case at the mean boys and threatening to crush them.  <\/p>\n

As a side note, if you ever have a precocious daughter who starts to grow more quickly and larger than the other kids, for christ's sake don't hand her a trumpet when she says she wants to play an instrument.  A flute, a piccolo, a clarinet.  Something lean.  Nothing is quite as poignant in a wrong bad way than a chubby, adult-dimensioned little girl wielding the decidely large and brassy sound associated with Dizzy, Louis or Myles.  <\/p>\n

So, when I ventured off here to the left coast, the plan was simple:  A Madonna-worthy change from that girl to a newly minted Cali version.  No longer the subject of mirth and sometimes derision.  In fact, I told myself that when I got a new job everyone there would face only a very professional, almost somber character.  One without quirks, idiosyncracies and other fodder that shouted "different."<\/p>\n

Goddamnit, here was my chance to conform!  Fuck ya. <\/p>\n

Guess what?  Some delusions die harder than others.<\/p>\n

Do you think the fact that yesterday at work someone saw me holding a plate with three pieces of cake (to share with others), saw only cake and me and shouted (literally) to someone else, "Hey, That's why Dee IS FAT!" means my plan for the totally stealth, low key persona have failed?  Or maybe, it was today when I mentioned something about someone in my life who is gay, and the follow up joke was a confusing bit about my own sexuality and whether I was "packing?"<\/p>\n

Rodney Dangerfield said it best, "I don't get no respect." <\/p>\n