So far, the weekend’s highlight was wonderful but at such a low scale, I have to wonder about my low expectations.

Last night on the way to dinner, M. stopped to pick up a new pair of glasses from the crappiest Lens Crafters in town. Clearly not an establishment that thrives on service.

I was mildly irked, because I was hungry. And because M. can fade into completely unwarranted, irrational impatience when he’s looking for dinner, and I have an errand to run. My fantasy relationship involves no irritation whilst the other guy farts around. Or more specifically, a huge fucking swath of leeway if I’m not ready yet.

So, when I have to wait for him, I dramatically like to up the stakes of injustice in the relationship. Who wouldn’t want to live with me?

Anyway, to right the perceived wrong with a little quid pro quo after moving our dinner reservations back a half hour, I decided I needed moisturizer. I couldn’t live another second without some attempt to moisten the flaky ankles I had discovered while waiting for the Lens Crafters staff to deign provide service.

I decided to look in the back of the Staples next door. After all, what doesn’t an office supply superstore say other than moisture and beauty products?

In the back with the bulk liquid soap for office toilets, I found joy. Not just moisturizer but Aveeno, which suits my sensitive, baby-like, allergic self.

I was already thrilled to the core of my being with the mere prospect of buying my bottle of moist. I was shivering and gladly willing to fork over as much as $7 for the feeling of smooth, youthful skin. (I’d pay even more to actually feel smooth, youthful skin, if you know what I mean.)

The lottery win, the cherry on my sundae, the denouement, the thrill, the orgasm was yet to be, though. Nope, that came at the cash register when the smiling young man scanned by elixir bottle and remarked himself at the price, expressing envy.

It was 50 cents plus tax for a grand total of $0.54. How fucking awesome is that? And, how fucking sad am I for wallowing for 24 hours in that ecstacy?